According to Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy, the single most distinctive factor between man and other beings is man’s ability to make decisions and take a stand. Animals are driven by instincts, but a person has the ability to bypass instinctual drives and make conscious choices. Sometimes even against instinct or social/collective drives – because man has conscience, values, ideals, etc.
The quality of one’s choices makes for the quality of the person himself/ herself and the quality of his or her life.
While this is very true, and to a large our lives are determined by our own decisions and choices, the reality is these decisions are not always conscious. We believe we make rational, logical choices, and we know why we’re going in the direction we’re going, but in truth, there are several invisible forces that pull the strings and move us in a specific direction.
Values
Values are those fundamental building blocks to our selves that are embedded in our programming from very early on. They are the reason why we prioritise certain choices over others – i.e. go into the family business or build something of our own – depending on whether we value family or personal success and independence more. We make our choices and justify them, not because they‘re necessarily rational or good for us, but because the drive from our values is too strong. But worse – we’re not aware usually. Values tend to be so internalised we never see them unless we embark on a conscious self-discovery.
Beliefs
There’s a famous line by Henry Ford that says “Whether you think you can or you can’t, you’re right.” Now replace the verb “think” with “believe” and you’ve got it. We assume what we think about ourselves, the world, and others is an objective reality, but that’s not always true. The issue is that this is also a process so subtle we don’t even know it’s happening, and our beliefs, to a great extent, determine our behaviour. Imagine you believe you’re not worthy, capable, or qualified enough – what effect do you think these beliefs will have on your choices? Will you hold yourself back or go out there and take chances?
Feelings
Feelings may be another word for either one of the items above. What I mean is that, often, our decisions are not driven by what we recognise as a belief or a value, but our beliefs or values provoke certain feelings within us, and those feelings are a strong pull (or push, for that matter). It may be, for example, that your beliefs about unworthiness or incompetence invoke fear about certain choices that deep down you want to make. This is how feelings and emotions keep you from what you deeply want and is probably right for you.
The subconscious
Any one of the above can be placed in the category of the subconscious or unconscious because, for the most part, we are not fully aware of these forces driving us and what’s at the bottom of them. However, the subconscious is a larger topic deeper than values, beliefs and feelings. We go through thousands of experiences in our lives, and many of them shape us profoundly. They make us into the person we are that we don’t always see (but sometimes others do). They bury in ourselves deeply rooted motivations, mechanisms for dealing with life and a sense of who we are and who we are not.
There’s a saying that goes like You don’t attract what you want, you attract what you are. It’s true, and I see this as the subconscious at work. It’s why you attract the same people into your life, even if they are toxic to you. It’s why you fall into the same patterns, even if they are destructive to you. The mind likes what is familiar and what is more familiar to your psyche than what you carry at your core?
This is why the answer to the most fundamental problems we face, especially those repeatedly present in our lives, is not somewhere out there. It’s inside, within you. You have to look in to see who you are deep down. You have to search for the you, you don’t see and understand how that you needs to change and grow.
What you encounter on the outside and the problems you face are great indicator of what you need to look for on the inside.
