Do you know who the blindest person is?
The one who genuinely believes he can see. It’s because of this belief that he is convinced, looking at the surface, that he can see the whole picture. He believes that what he has built in his mind is a complete representation of reality.
In a way, we as a species, are very much like that blind person. Over thousands of years, we have learned a lot about the physical world around us. Consequently, we have learned a lot about navigating it and using it to our advantage.
All the knowledge we have gained has led us to believe, wrongly, that we understand and are in control. But life is a lot larger than the physical world we have managed to explain to ourselves.
And just like a blind person convinced in his sight, we marvel at our ability to understand the surface, unable to see the depth beneath it.
There’s a lot to be said about life and what seems like its contradictory nature. We have not developed the ability to intuitively harmonize our existence with its laws. In fact, perhaps because we have the idea that we understand the physical world and thus have some control over it, we have the notion that we control life too.
The truth is, there is no contradiction, the laws of the physical world very much apply to life in its entirety. But it’s that idea of control and the arrogance that comes with it that makes us go against its laws and that create our suffering.
The more pressure you apply, the less you will achieve.
And the more desperate you become, the more what you desire slips away. There is time for everything in life and when the time comes, it’s beautiful. But if you are trying to force summer when it’s winter time, you will lose. Trees blossom when they are ready. But before they are, they have to suffer the loss of their leaves, learn to live with the winter cold and make peace with it. That’s the cycle of life.
Don’t try to sail north, when the wind is blowing south. Even if you get where you are headed there will be a lot of suffering and little satisfaction. Instead, go south and see what’s in there for you to learn. Face your fears. Make peace with where you are. You will see it’s a beautiful journey. But also the journey you needed, not the one you were convinced you did. Because things are only given when you are ready for them. Ultimately, this will lead you closer to a state where less can make you suffer.
In this way, it’s actually a win even if it doesn’t look like it in the surface.
The more you fight, the more you suffer.
We fight to keep people in our lives. We fight to bring things into our lives. And then we fight the pain that comes with unmet expectations from both fights.
When we fight it’s because we believe that’s how we retain our control. The more we try to control, the more energy we waste, the more devoured we are by that fight. But here’s the thing, the nature of fight itself is about stopping something in its tracks. And suddenly our experience is not what we are trying to attain or the lack of what we’re trying to avoid but the fight itself. And this is when we suffer because we are going against life, fighting what is coming our way.
You can’t fight life, you need to harmonize with it. And harmonizing with life doesn’t mean fighting to orchestrate it in alignment with your expectations. It means letting go and flowing in the direction it flows. That’s all. The more you do, the more you retain your peace regardless. That’s what means to be in control – truly.
There’s a single technique you need to master this “fight”– acceptance.
Acceptance may be the single most powerful thing you can learn. Try it when in pain. If you fight it, it will last the duration of the fight. If you embrace it, you take its power away and shorten its life. It’s astonishing.
The predator is also a victim
The reality we experience has a dual nature. There is day and night, black and white, sweet and bitter, winter and summer. This also manifests in life. Yet despite the plenty of evidence in the physical world around us, we struggle with this fact when it comes to life experiences. The people that bring us the most happiness also make us suffer the most. The food we love and over consume today, can make us sick tomorrow.
There is also a critical bit we are missing – it’s the same sky that goes through day and night, the same person bringing us joy that brings us pain too, the same food when too sweet can become bitter. In other words, the same object can manifest and make us experience what we consider opposing qualities. Nothing is only black or white.
And when we accept something for its beauty that we desire, we have to be prepared for its ugliness too which we undesire. We embrace the beauty and then we deny and reject the ugliness. But there’s a very personal lesson in that ugliness, life pushing us to grow in a certain direction through it. And it’s only through acceptance of that lesson, and with a calm state of mind, that we can help that ugliness transform – in our mind at first and then in reality.
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.
There is another dimension of that duality worth talking about. Whatever way things appear, they certainly are also the opposite. The exuberance of confidence in one area is its lack in another. The demonstration of intelligence in one field is its complete lack in another. A predator is also a victim – whether threatened by his hunger or his past experience when talking about people.
So when you catch yourself feeling anger, know that the object of your anger is also worthy of compassion. When you treat him with anger, you boost his pain and predator-like behaviour. When you treat him with compassion, you heal his pain.
And when you catch yourself feeling jealousy, know that the object of your jealousy is too imperfect in a way and also somehow broken – just like yourself. Don’t glorify or judge too hard. We are all imperfect and beautiful in our own ways.
There is a quote by Scott F. Fitzgerald that has stuck with me and it says:
The test of first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
And it’s true.
